Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
