just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
