I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
