8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
