He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
