After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
