I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
