someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
