i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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