Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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