yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
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I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
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Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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