First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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