Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
