O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
