Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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