At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
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That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
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I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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