He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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