Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
