Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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