38 yer olds are good kisserssss
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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