I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
