You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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