is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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