i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
