i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
