Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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