Plan B is the new Plan A
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
foreskin is a definite game changer
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
