Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
