mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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