i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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