like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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