Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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