the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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