I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
