A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?