I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.