i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies