It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
