The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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