A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
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tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
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You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.