Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
