I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
