how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
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I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
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Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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