He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Randomize
