Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
