come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
