I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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