Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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