I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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