me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
