I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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