My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
