It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
