im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
