Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
