WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
