I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
