it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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