I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
