it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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