he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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