I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
