I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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