As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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