In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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