i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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