There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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