Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Randomize
