My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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