Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize