Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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