problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
