a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
