I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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