Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
