you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
3pm strippers are depressing
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
