Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I checked into jail on foursquare
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
