So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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