my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
