i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
