The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
